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Friday, October 6th, 2006
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7:04 pm
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Got a couple letters postdated the life before, piled and webbed down on the mat to the door, with nothing to send but a blank manuscript. So write back quick if you feel gyped, jewed, jived, or just screwed; 'cause spin's a bitch, and the story's construed, regardless who's tellin', yellin', or sellin' to you. There's a bias included, it's free of charge, too, so bend over and take it; and soon you can spew the same cyclical logic, tales of lives lived fast, contagious, chaotic; desprately destined to descend towards an end that's less affective than penned, imagined than been; assuming a past spent mired in mentions of presuming a soothing conclusion: the constant inclusion of a nova upsetting vast stagnant oceans. Change started on the mark,
so get ready,
set
Fuck- I just forgot to start.
current mood:  curious
current music: A Mix. Surprised?
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Monday, February 27th, 2006
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2:34 pm - Fourty Five
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Fourty-five,
better than the last.
I seen past and present,
spin like planes of vinyl
from four four certainty,
the concrete din of note by note
coaxed chaotic,
spun and scrambled
like steel and iron barrels
based on skulls and bent like Piccaso, post-Blue.
I heard the ratios of phosphorus,
carbon cartoons and charactatures
clamouring, constantly concealing
care and abandon alike at threats imagined and
distance decided.
I been on streets they never paved
and walked around the world
faster than any damn jetplane, hotshot train, or main.
Been one thing and another, neither tailoring me,
useful as silk for potato sacks and menstural blood.
Found home nowhere in nothing,
burned more houses than Sherman on the way south east.
Only me won't stop 'til he's north west
Or it doesn't matter to no one else but I.
.
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(comment on this)
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| Saturday, February 11th, 2006
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8:26 pm - Home.
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Tonight, they stuck me out, showed me back where I belonged
I asked them to get be everything again. when They was done.
I did, not it seemed odd, off.
Remember but to put pulled.
Boundless.
Brandon
current mood:  awake
current music: Everything that Is
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, December 6th, 2005
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12:16 pm
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| Thursday, November 10th, 2005
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11:32 am
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I'm sorry I'm late.
the past week has been fucking weird. And now, coming close to the end, I'm getting slammed. Everyone I know, people I don't know, are saying things they don't know to me. I've spent the past few days taking combinations to the face, and now I know why.
I have to get on my job. I have to start writing. I already started drawing way more. Sketching, again. Back to realism.
My dad called last week and said he was swamped with trying to find his girlfriend a new car, too. Alright. I just need to man up on it, and get some shit done for myself. I'm going to ask Tom today if I can give him some cash here and there, for gas, so I can drive around in his Jeep, and get more used to driving again real quick.
There's a Bronco down the street, for $900 down. I'm going to go check it out this weekend.
There's a blue 1972 Chevelle in Concordia, MO. With 68k original miles.
There's an olive 1953 Studebaker Champion way out in Missouri, too.
The Chevelle, even though it is an 8 cylinder, is obviously top priority.
That FAFSA shit ain't getting it's self done, either.
It's cool, though. I got this, just need to figure it out one at a time.
current mood:  rejuvenated and restless
current music: Lagwagon - May 16th
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, October 21st, 2005
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6:33 pm
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In the middle of a house, there stood a great forest. Within this forest were all abundant forms of life, springing from every space, making a vibrant canvas of the wood. Vines of ivy hung low between trees, and shards of daylight crept in, giving a soft, welcoming glow to all within. Animals of every kind were to be heard echoing about, their calls and cries making an illusion of their existance.
Within this forest, also, was a vast clearing, flat on one side, and rolling towards a mountain bordering the other. And if one were to be on this mountain, this ridge between here and there, you could find yourself within a cave, shallow and dried by the sun; filled with the roar of surrounding water falls. Supposing one was of some adventurous nature, or possessed of a sheer and rampant curiousity, you could take quite a hint from the crashing waters, and run head long out of your own cave, into the warm waters beneath. Swim to the shores of the basin and dry off. Look out, towards the green hemisphere of wall formed by the forest surrounding. Peer into the sun, and you could almost swear there was the silhouette of a house inking the horizon.
Walking is a time consuming task; surely in so wonderful a land, one can decide to forego it. One could also, then, instantly find one's self in the fields just outside this house. One could find it's archetecture ridiculously impossible, and wonder what lay within.
Wonder.
A book on a shelf, snaking up to the rafters, looping about one, then continuing to the inside of the thatched roof. A shelf in an aisle. An aisle condensed in a group of rows so expansive one could spend days merely wandering from one end to the other, yet no thicker than a single row of shelves. A fire in the corner, contained by a decorated brick and iron fireplace, yawning, quite litterally, into a mantle with no certain place on the wall. A flu that juts off and out towards the rest of the single room, then back in and out through a port in the wall, to an uncertain destination on the exterior.
A rug made of single fibers from every cloth and color one could imagine. A boy, a pipe, and an open book. The child looks up to check the time, breaking a visible concentration in the book.
"5:55. Cute."
Suddenly, laughing filled the single room. The boy marked his place, and rose to his feet, brushing himself off as he did. Then, they were there. And weren't. They were laughing and telling him to remember how it is here, to stay. He needn't pack a single possesion, it was all there, anyway. They giggled and stroked his hair, and he could shut his eyes about them and remember almost what it was they machine-gunned out in broken, incoherent, impossible fragments of words and sentences from a thousand languages.
The boy sighed, knowing he couldn't come with them, and as he did, he sat back on the floor, and took a pull from his pipe. He remembered the time they brought a train, so he could ride along back and he had ignored them. The time he went back and he didn't understand, did it all again. He released the smoke into ordered rings, which still swirled in their positions with chaotic perfections. Soon, he could leave.
Not now, though. Five more minutes. Open the book and read as fast as you can.
It's just getting to the good part.
current mood: awake
current music: the Postal Service - District Sleeps Alone Tonight
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(comment on this)
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| Saturday, September 17th, 2005
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7:31 pm - And now, for a bit of Word.
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I John, V
Whosoever believeth that Jesus is the Christ is born of God: and every one that loveth Him that Begat loveth him also that is begotten of Him.
2 By this we know that we love the Children of God, when we love God, and keep His commandments.
3 For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments: and His commandments are not grievous.
4 For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world: and this is the victory that overcometh the world, even our faith.
5 Who is he that overcometh the world, but he that believeth that Jesus is the Son of God?
6 That is he that came by water and blood, even Jesus Christ; not by water only, but by water and blood. And it is the Spirit that beareth witness, because the Spirit is Truth.
7 For there are three that bear record in heaven, the Father, the Word, and the Holy Ghost: and these three are One.
8 And there are three that bear witness in earth, the spirit, and the water, and the blood: and these three agree in One.
9 If we recieve the witness of men, the witness of God is greater: for this is the witness of God which He hath testified of His Son.
10 He that believeth on the Son of God hath the witness in himself: he that believeth not God hath made him a liar; because he Believeth not the record that God gave of the Son.
11 And this is the record, that God hath given to us eternal life, and this life is in his Son.
12 He that hath the Son of God hath life; and he that hath not the Son of God hath not life.
13 These things I have written unto you that believe on the name of the Son of God; that ye may know that ye have eternal life, and that ye may believe on the name of the Son of God.
14 And this is the confidence that we have in Him, that, if we ask anything according to His Will, He heareth us:
15 And if we know that He hear us, whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we desired of Him.
16 If any man see his brother sin a sin which is not unto death, he shall ask, and and He shall give him life for them that sin not unto death. There is a sin unto death: I do not say that he shall pray for it.
17 All unrighteousness is a sin: and there is a sin not unto death.
18 We know that whosoever is born of God sinneth not; but he that is begotten of God keepeth himself, and that wicked one toucheth him not.
19 And we know that we are of God, and the whole world lieth in wickedness.
20 And we know that the Son of God hath come, and hath given us an understanding, that we may know Him that is True, and we are in Him that is True, even in his Son Jesus Christ. This is the True God, and eternal life.
21 Little children, keep yourselves from idols.
Amen.
current mood: content
current music: Led Zeppelin - Kashmir
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, August 10th, 2005
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10:45 am
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Yesterday, someone mentioned thinking about college in my future.
And I did. I thought, "That's a silly notion, college."
And they said, "But wait! There's more- college. In Canadia."
And I did. I thought, "Holy shit, that's crazy enough to work."
Let's change the world.
Hurry up, hurry up! I'm finding it odd that
already outside there is more than
when participation is needed of us.
Is playing a game ever supposed to be solitare?
Even the deck, won't play with you.
Stack black aces!
It isn't cheating if all the cards were
already there before you touched them, is it?
workworkwork Don't settle.
down workplaywork You're right
by the playworkplay Ending is beginning.
Train playplayplay your
S E L F
Boundless love!
Brandon
current mood: awake
current music: Bone Thugs-N-Harmony - First Of Tha Month
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, August 3rd, 2005
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9:54 pm
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Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you're cool, fuck you; I'm out.
current music: Chemical Brothers - One Too Many Mornings
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, February 20th, 2005
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11:06 pm
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Theme of today: Funny how I can offer help with cars, but I don't drive.
I have to get up to Einstein's at 4:00pm tomorrow, to apply for a job. God, I hope this one works.
I suppose I owe an entry that's longer, and makes has defined meanings to folks other than myself. But now isn't the time. I'll try soon, I promise.
My heart feels weird.
Brandon
current mood:  complacent
current music: Smashing Pumpkins - Tonight, Tonight
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, February 18th, 2005
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9:16 pm - Please pardon, we have another reminder:
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"New friend."
"You're so comfortable."
"Nice boxers."
"Good idea."
"I love you."
"...Irish punks who try new drugs, and enlighten young girls like me, and you are the guy who writes his own personal clarity like poems on his walls."
"You're a real alpha plus. (which in, huxley terms means, no, hysteria)"
"You are exciting. And how? Well, think of a street light and a moth."
"I told her that if we wouldnt have broken up, we'd probably still be together."
"I still love you."
Funny. The distribution of weights we off balance our heads with.
I'm bored.
Boundless love,
Brandon
current mood: high
current music: Beep, beep.
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, February 17th, 2005
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2:43 am
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There is a place for me. There is a place for me.
There is a place for me.There is a place for me.There is a place for me.
There is a place for me.There is a place for me.There is a place for me.
There is a place for me.There is a place for me.There is a place for me.
There is a place for me.There is a place for me.There is a place for me.
There is a place for me.
There is a place for me.
There is a place for me.There is a place for me.There is a place for me.
There is a place for me.There is a place for me.There is a place for me.
There is a place for me.There is a place for me.There is a place for me.
There is a place for me.There is a place for me.There is a place for me.
There is a place for me.
There is a place for me.
There is a place for me.There is a place for me.There is a place for me.
There is a place for me.There is a place for me.There is a place for me.
There is a place for me.There is a place for me.There is a place for me.
There is a place for me.There is a place for me.There is a place for me.
There is a place for me all of us, or there'd be n
one of us at all. This is a reminder. This is a me
There's a lot to do! ssage for You. This is merely aesthetically plea
With all time or none to sing placement of words vague enough to con
do it in! Go outside! Now! ceal exactly what I mean by all of it, and at the same time, offer up a v
ariable pantheon of rich interpretations for all of you. Daydream more.
current mood: contemplative
current music: Oforia - Big Bang (Ambient Mix)
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, February 4th, 2005
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6:27 pm - This is because one door closing means another opens.
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This is because one door closing means another opens.
This is because one door closing means another one closes. Then another.
Then another.
Then another.
Then another.
Then another.
Then another.
Then another. Then another.
Then another.
Then another.
Then another. Then another. Then another.
Then another. Then another. Then another.
Then another.Then another.Then another.Then another.
Then another.Then another.Then another.Then another.
Then another.Then another.Then another.Then another.
Then another.Then another.Then another.Then another.
Then another.
and then we're all out of doors, so we go back to sleep and wait for them to open.
---------------
More Later. I'm looking down the barrel of quite a long evening.
Boundless love,
Brandon
current mood: peaceful
current music: Underworld - Twist
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Monday, January 24th, 2005
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2:58 pm
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Twenty fuckin' five to one, my gamblin' days're done
So little time.
current mood: amused
current music: Placebo - Special K
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Sunday, August 1st, 2004
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11:53 pm - Acid Blues
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Wake up, momma, the devil moved in next door
Wake up momma, the devil moved in next door
He's sellin' papers and vials, momma
We got Hell in store
He's wearin' black suits, momma, pockets sewn on the inside
He's got a fat money clip, oh momma, you know I can't lie
You know whenever I look out my window, momma, I'm worried the devil's out side
Wake up momma, they sellin' my soul next door
I said, wake up momma, they sellin' my soul next door
You know whenever I give him a twenty,
the devil goes pocket to door
-Acid Blues, Asphalt (Me)
current mood: calm
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, June 24th, 2004
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12:02 pm - A chunk of conversation.
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joyce: I've typed at least four sentences I didn't like, so I deleted them. Wow, talk about perfectionism.
Jaded Dreamers: Bah. Stop thinking.
joyce: I can't.
Jaded Dreamers: Sure you can.
Jaded Dreamers: Anyone can. And everyone should.
Jaded Dreamers: 'makes the world a much better place.
joyce: If I stop thinking then I become nothing and no one
Jaded Dreamers: Exactly.
Jaded Dreamers: Illumination comes through the dissolution of ego.
joyce: But thinking isn't necessarily ego-based
Jaded Dreamers: Yes it is. I'm not talking about the ego in the sense of "I'm better than everyone." The ego is the identity.
Jaded Dreamers: It's the us-them.
Jaded Dreamers: The me-them, moreover.
Jaded Dreamers: And that just isn't so. It's not an accurate dichotomy. Because we're all.
joyce: If the ego is the identity then couldn't someone choose his own identity which isn't ego? If so, then his thoughts would not be ego-based.
Jaded Dreamers: Two way street. Identity is ego, ego is identity. Once you seperate yourself from the desk, the bugs outside, the guy walking down the street, the ego is there.
Jaded Dreamers: Aldous Huxley wrote this about the wrinkles in his pants: 'These are the sort of things one ought to look at.' Things without pretentions... sufficient in their Suchness, not acting a part, not trying, insanely, to go it alone, in isolation from the Dharma-Body, in Luciferian defiance of the grace of god."
Jaded Dreamers: Once you seperate yourself from the world, you're on your own. You become an island-nation.
joyce: but why would anyone want to do that?
joyce: For me to be completely alone with myself is too much to bare. I honestly hate myself that much. I can't stand to be alone.
Jaded Dreamers: That's why I say stop thinking. It's thinking that produces that human condition.
joyce: So instead you just sit there being nothing
joyce: ??
Jaded Dreamers: Yes.
Jaded Dreamers: And by being nothing, you become everything.
joyce: I don't agree
Jaded Dreamers: Look at it this way, then.
Jaded Dreamers: When you see an apple, you think, "Oh. That's an apple."
Jaded Dreamers: But if you hadn't thought that, hadn't analyzed it, that apple could be anything.
Jaded Dreamers: Right?
joyce: But the apple, no matter who thinks what about it, it still an apple. It can not be an airplane because it does not fly over oceans. It's still limited in its abilities whether or not I think, "Oh that's an apple."
Jaded Dreamers: How do you know?
joyce: The apple's limits? That it can't fly? If I don't think, "Oh that's an apple," I don't know. But the apple, by itself, on its own, is still round and red. It still grew on a tree. The apple remains an apple, whether or not I think it is.
Jaded Dreamers: How do you know?
Jaded Dreamers: :-D
joyce: I don't. But the apple does!
joyce: haha. . .that face makes me happy
Jaded Dreamers: I wish I could explain better. But you aren't a fan of drugs.
Jaded Dreamers: And meditation is too hard for most folks on that level.
joyce: But I see what you're getting at, but I still don't agree.
Jaded Dreamers: Are you still christian?
joyce: Yes
Jaded Dreamers: Are you the kind that thinks god is everywhere, in everything?
joyce: He is everywhere but not necessarily in everything
Jaded Dreamers: Do you believe god created everything, then?
joyce: yes
Jaded Dreamers: Okay. Look at it like this: God created the apple. God is creation, the apple is created. It is part of his/her/it's web. It's design. God is infite, so in turn, everything that is part of him (or that he's part of) is also infinite. So an apple is god. A leaf is god. Everything is. And everything is infinite. So an apple could be a chair. Or a lady bug. Or a person.
Jaded Dreamers: ...or n airplane. ;-)
joyce: That goes against everything I believe. God created and in creation he did not become because he already was. Instead God remained God and his creation his creation. There is no melding of the lines.
Jaded Dreamers: But if in the beginning, there was only god, he must've used himself to create.
Jaded Dreamers: Expended energy. And that energy was put into the created.
current mood: content
current music: Bright Eyes - Nothing Gets Crossed Out
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Friday, February 27th, 2004
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2:15 am - Is this true?
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Figured I'd turn a personality quiz into something fun and/or a discussion, and in my vanity, I ask: Is the following true?
My personality is rated 40.What is yours?</center>quiz by midgetfarm.com
what does that mean?
Others see you as an exciting, highly volatile, rather impulsive personality; a natural leader, who's quick to make decisions, though not always the right ones. They see you as bold and adventuresome, someone who will try anything once; someone who takes chances and enjoys an adventure. They enjoy being in your company because of the excitement you radiate.
About your score...
The closer to fifty that the number is, the stronger your personality is.
The closer to zero that the number is, the weaker your personality.
The best scores to have are between 25 and 40.
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